Serenity No

Originally posted in the Alaska Highway News May 27, 2015 in the column by The Desk of the Green Eyed Girl

“Okay class! We are going to begin our day with some quiet reflection”, said the instructor of our personal development workshop.

Judy (looks worried and begins to repeat in her head): Uh Oh……please don’t ask me to meditate, please do not ask me to meditate, please don’t ask me to meditate, please don’t…..

“We are going to sit quietly and meditate”.

Judy: Doh!

“Make yourselves comfortable in your chair, planting your feet firmly on the floor beneath you, hands sitting gently on your legs, shoulders square, chin up…”

Judy: Sure! Easy for the tall dude to say, he isn’t 5 feet tall with 29 inch legs! I CANNOT sit comfortably unless it is a primary school desk. My legs cannot touch the floor unless I sit uncomfortably at the edge of my seat; otherwise my feet dangle and swing creating an obvious distraction to my “meditation”.

Thankfully I am wearing my Birkenstock sandals and therefore I can sit back into my seat and let my sandals slip off my feet so that the tips touch the floor, but my toes hook around the strap creating an extension of my leg.

I am fairly certain that my toe’s can hang on for the 30 seconds or so of quiet reflection.

“Okay folks…….now I would like you to close your eyes and focus on your breathing”.

Judy: Did I lock my car? I am sure I locked my car….I wonder if…

“Breathe in through your nose and exhale from your mouth”.

Judy: I wonder what they are serving for lunch?

“Now I would like you to think about your (insert something to think about here)”.

Judy: Opens one eye to look at the instructor, it has obviously been more than 30 seconds – feeling uncertain about where this “meditation” is going.

The Instructor’s voice is quiet and soothing, his eyes are closed and he has this serene, focused look on his face.

Judy: Darnit! My toes can’t hang onto my sandals much longer. No, they are definitely falling off! Hang on toes! It can’t be long now….you can do it!

THUNK

and then….

THUNK

Both shoes are now underneath my chair and my feet are swinging freely.

“Now I want you to think about (insert something else here)”

Judy: I thought meditation was supposed to clear my mind. Seems like all I am doing is filling it up with more thoughts? I open my eyes slightly and scan the room. Everyone is participating and look like they are really into this. No….the dude over there is clearly sleeping. Lucky guy.

4 minutes have passed. This is beginning to feel like an uncomfortable hug.

After the instructor speaks there is a gap of silence and I wonder if it means we are completed and I begin to hope……

“Let’s imagine….”

Judy: OH MY GOODNESS!! Let’s imagine a coffee break…shall we?

I see a woman to my right shift uncomfortably in her chair and I am pretty certain that her eyes are flickering.

Ah Ha! I am not the only one who needs for this to end.

“Breathe in…….breathe out”.

Judy: Yay!!!!! It sounds like we are almost finished!

“Now…consider for one moment…..”

Judy: Seriously? This is now longer than my last labour, and frankly it is entirely more painful…..

“Alright now class, we are going to slowly begin to open our eyes, focusing on our breathing and our moment of reflection”.

Judy: Okay…THIS I can do. I open my eyes and look around the room and see serenity and peace.

“How was that exercise?”

Judy: Perfect….awesome…thanks. I feel amazing!