Fat and 51

Gawd last week sucked. Not only have I turned another year older, crossing over to the dark side of 50, but also I didn’t get a job that I felt was a perfect fit for my qualifications.

So after kicking myself over an obviously stupid answer to at least one of the questions, I emailed the interviewer, “where else did I go wrong?”

The explanation was that there were many qualified applicants, myself included, but that I was up against tough competition and didn’t quite make the cut.

I can handle that……I guess. It’s tough to be told that you are no longer at the top of your game and no longer a first choice. I have never applied for something that I didn’t feel with every confidence that I would be the successful applicant. I don’t try something with an expectation that I would fail. That isn’t narcissism; it is being smart about where I expend my energy.

So I was surprised, but otherwise okay with the outcome.

Until I began to think about it and then I felt like I was hit in the gut with a sledgehammer.

Reality check.

I am 51, applying for a job where there would long days on my feet. Add to that equation that I am about 30 pounds overweight and……I probably wouldn’t hire me either without wondering, “is she up to it?”.

It feels weird to judge myself like that, but it is a fact of life.

Is it fair? No…it’s not fair.

Will this be my future now? Am I no longer a “viable candidate” because of my age? Am I not worth investing time and energy into because I am potentially 15 years from retirement?

Am I supposed to give up on my dreams or career aspirations because it’s “all downhill from here?”.

It is horribly depressing isn’t it?

There are definite perks to hiring someone my age. I’m not going to get pregnant that’s for sure, nor am I going to need time off when my kids are too sick for daycare.

Is it because you didn’t feel that I would fit in with your work culture?

So, where do I go from here? Well, I can’t do anything about the date on my birth certificate, but I can do something about the number on the scale. So….I work focus on that and see where it takes me.

I know that I am not at the top of my game right now, especially physically. Have I been “phoning it in?” at life?

Maybe this is the kick in the pants that I need to make some life adjustments.

Stay tuned……


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