Stuck

GAWD I am so stuck…….

I am stuck so firmly that I cannot move one step forward or even take a step back. If that were possible (to take a step back), I might be able to fix whatever is keeping me from moving ahead.

GAWD I am so stuck…….

Two months ago I pressed “send” on my manuscript (can I call it that?) and gave it to my editor. The terror that I felt before pressing send was unlike anything I have felt before, only equal to the feeling of relief and euphoria when my computer made that “whooshing” sound to alert me that the file had been sent.

There you bastard! You are gone from my computer….for now.

I  live in a tangential purgatory for a month whilst it sits with my editor. It is a purgatory because it is a state of nothingness. It is tangential because I like that word and I can (kind of) make it work. Nothing to really do while “the book” is gone for editing. During that time, “the book” and it’s imagined completion and success live vividly in my imagination. “The Book” is neither good, nor bad because it isn’t quite there yet.

Fast forward and the book is back! No whoosh from my inbox, but rather a “ding” that says, “I’m baaaaaack”.

Some notes accompany the file and I sit down at my computer to go through them one by one.

I make those changes and then make a few more. I am riddled with self doubt and question “why am I even doing this?”.

So two months later I sit on a throne of indecision, frozen in place, unable to budge.

It is funny (not funny haha, but funny weird) that I feel this way right now when much of the book discusses my struggle with depression and negative self talk. I speak to the ability to overcome those thoughts. I think I need to go back and read those chapters again – pick up some pointers.

I should put this part in…”the book”.

That is…..when I become “Unstuck”.

Judy